To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
-C.S. Lewis
Love. Faith. Trust. Courage.
These are all risks, walking out into something unknown and trusting something, Someone, is going to be there to catch us, to secure us, to love us. To affirm the fact that we fell, that we jumped, and it's okay, and we should do it again, because even though it was terrifying when we jumped, it was also a miracle that we were caught. And it makes you fall in love with your Rescuer all over again, every time.
If you never use your heart, who cares if it's broken or not? What is the use of having feelings or making choices or picking one road over another when if it comes down to it, you are never going to take a risk, you're just going to stay in your safety zone forever? Over the past 2 years God has taught me a lot about trust. He's taught me that when I had in mind isn't what He had in mind. No, His plans are always bigger, and better, and more bold. They may seem crazy to some but to me it's just another confirmation that I'm in His loving arms, being led in the directions He wants to lead me. The safest place in the world I can be is where God wants me. Doing whatever work He has sent me to do.
I've been wanting to write this post for a while. For some reason I always run out of time or get distracted doing something else. But so much has happened in my life! I got back from Namibia, spent less than 2 weeks at home, and then went to Chile for 5 weeks to see my family. That was really great. Beautiful places. Since I've been back in Phoenix, I've been substitute teaching in the Peoria District. Jobs have been rare at best; a very unstable and unpredictable job. I've been looking for a full time job and praise God, I've finally got one. I'll be working at North Phoenix Baptist Church in their preschool. I'm excited to finally have something steady! The ladies there are REALLY nice.
God has continued to put Africa on my heart and mind since Christmas. It is where I feel I will ultimately end up. I don't know in what way exactly, or where I'll be, what I'll be doing, or anything. But I really feel that is where God is going to take me back. I feel inexplicably drawn there: to the land, to the people, to the culture. Please pray for me, that I would be patient, that I would let God lead, but also balance that with taking risks and stepping out in faith, knowing that God is there no matter what. There are a lot of opportunities to go back; I don't know how or when it'll happen. I love Him, and I know He has great plans for me.
