Uganda #4: Untitled!!

Wow! I can’t believe it’s been about a month since I’ve written. Geez, I am sorry about that, folks. I know you’ve all been waiting on pins and needles to hear about my life; I deeply apologize. I really should be in the habit of writing every 2 weeks or so, because otherwise I know I’ll be leaving so much out (no promises)! Although I think even if I wrote things down every single day, I would still leave things out. You’d never get the full picture. For that you’d have to come here, COME AND SEE, and experience a completely different and beautiful world.

It’s hard now having people say things to me like, “I really admire what you’re doing” or “It must be so difficult living in a place like that” or “are you just counting down the days until you go home?”

I don’t feel like I’m doing that much. I’m certainly not doing anything life-changing or epic; not when you just look at the facts, the actions. I go to an orphanage for a few hours a day and help teach some kids. As far as making charts or graphs or writing an essay about “all that I’m accomplishing here,” that wouldn’t happen. And I didn’t come here to write a report about what I did here or fulfill some checklist of requirements for being in a foreign country. I knew before I came here that a HUGE reason I wanted to stay for a longer period of time was to build relationships. It’s difficult to build a meaningful relationship with anyone in a weekend, 2 weeks or even 2 months of being somewhere. I’m coming up on being here for 2 months and I’m just starting to really get to know people on a deeper level, to spend time with them consistently and be able to have something of value to pour into their lives (and let them pour into mine). I would certainly say the MAIN thing I am doing here is building relationships, and since that’s a major reason I came here for a longer time, I am very very satisfied with that.

As an American citizen with a Western mindset, it is sometimes difficult to look at the last week and think; there is nothing concrete that I did. There is nothing I can give a number to or put a figure on or show you tangible progress on. But in the last week, I spent time with people. I hung out with the older girls at the orphanage as they were washing clothes (a long and tedious task, especially when there are 30 people’s clothes to wash) and had them quiz me on my language skills (I’m slowly learning Jap, the local language here). In the last week, I sat and watched an entire – yes, entire – football club game with Fred, my sister, and her fiancée (that’s football the way the rest of the world knows it – most likely soccer for you). I’ve sat for hours in the morning on days off talking to Bishop (my host dad) about anything from church planting to how he raises his children. I’ve gone to a remote home in the nearby village and sat for hours in a grass thatched hut having an Easter meal (more on that later).

The things I’m doing here are not going to alter the course of history. I’m probably not going to write a best-selling novel about it or have speaking engagements because of it. What I am doing is building relationships, and so much is accomplished through relationships. Not only do I enjoy relationships in and of themselves, but I will never know the full extent of what God does through them. If all that happens in my time here is that I build one good relationship through which God works, then I will consider that a success. No big figures, no fancy statistics. Just people loving people.

Leaving is something I can’t think about very often, because it makes me incredibly sad. I miss people back home; I miss certain things about my life in Phoenix – but here is just a totally different story. None of the “inconveniences” or “archaic” ways of doing things here seem to matter anymore in the context of the larger picture. You adapt, you move on. The longer I’m here, the more I feel like I fit into the culture and see that the way Ugandans do life is so much more conducive to my own way of doing life. Sometimes it feels like this place is like the missing puzzle piece in my life; that coming here, something that is beautiful and mysterious and beyond my understanding has been completed. The more I experience the way people function here and how their lives pulse, the more I find myself at ease with those things, and actually see that it makes a lot more sense to live that way.

Let me try to give you an example. People here rarely interrupt conversations. If two people are talking, a third would hardly ever join in; he would simply listen or even go off and do something else he needs to do. And people here are used to having long, drawn-out and meaningful conversations. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat on the back patio of our house with one of my family members in the time between afternoon and supper time, just talking about anything and everything, and watching the clouds roll and stretch over the sky, as dusk settles into night in a sky littered with stars. If you know me, you know I love conversations. Especially long, uninterrupted ones. I’ve gotten so much of that here, I can’t even handle it! :) The way of life here is so much slower, so less frantic, so much more deliberate about truly connecting with people and being invested in their lives. In fact, I find it difficult to imagine ever having to preach a sermon here about “getting to know your neighbor” or “connecting with those around you”. It’s just a part of life here; it’s what you do if you’ve been brought up here. I have had such moments of tranquility and joy here. I lost track of how many a long time ago. After I’ve had a good laugh, as I’m perched on the front steps breathing in the scent of the pouring rain, as I’m sitting around the supper table totally at ease with my Ugandan family – I think, why would I ever leave this place?

Maybe I’m still in my honeymoon phase. Maybe everything still seems wonderful and I’m looking at everything through rose-colored glasses. Maybe in a month or in six, I will realize I can’t wait to go back to the US. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But somehow I just don’t think so. If you’re a praying man (It’s A Wonderful Life reference, PLEASE, folks!) please keep this in prayer on my behalf, I would be so grateful. Ultimately I want whatever God wants. Whether that’s going back to the US in December, or staying here for another year, or moving here and starting my family here – heck, I don’t know what it’s going to entail. But the possibility of staying here on a more permanent basis is definitely something I’ve been thinking about and praying about and pondering and something that is constantly on my mind.

Now, onto some fun, lighter things :) Two weekends ago I was able to travel deep into the village for a wedding with bishop, his wife, my brother Stephen, and Stephen’s mom, Night. Bishop was set to officiate the wedding and he’d asked me about a month before if I wanted to come with them. We hired out a vehicle to do this since there were 5 of us coming plus several other friends of the family. So we all piled into a van when the driver finally showed up about 2 hours late (yes, welcome to Africa). We were going deep into the village. I don’t know if I’ve described this at all yet, but I’m thinking not, so here goes. I live in Tororo town. Technically I live about a mile and a half from the center of town, but this surrounding area is considered Tororo. When people here refer to “the village”, they are meaning someone who lives far beyond the town, at least 10 miles or so out of it. To get to the main congregation of villages, you take the main road about 5 miles out of town, and then turn off onto another road, which is the main road to the smaller villages. This “main road” however is chock-full of potholes and strange curves and of course it is a dirt road. Let me just say it’s gotta be up there with the 3 worst roads I’ve ever been privileged to drive on (dad, remember the road up to those termas where I bought the old mapuche’s wooden spoons??). And the driver we were with was just racing down this road, making every pothole extremely uncomfortable to go over, and only stopping occasionally to go slower if the road was REALLY impassable. It was about an hour of this.

But once I forced myself to think about something other than the ghastly road conditions, I really appreciated the beautiful scenery. The road to the village takes you past a WHOLE lot of trees, fields, super green gardens, and little settlements, small clusters of communities. By the time we got to the wedding, we were at least an hour late (I’m not sure at exactly what time it was supposed to start). And of course Bishop was the one officiating the wedding, but of course this is also Africa and so things like this are expected and common. The ceremony went fairly according to what you’d think of a typical wedding ceremony. There was singing with a choir and then Bishop gave a message about the importance of marriage and the roles of husbands and wives, and they exchanged their vows. Pretty standard, really. The only real difference I noted was that the bride and groom never did more than hold hands; there was no hugging and definitely no “you may now kiss the bride”. That is very much a faux pas in Ugandan culture. You don’t hug or kiss in public, not even if you’re married. And not on your wedding day. I could really get into this, but basically it’s just a very traditional way of handling things. People in a relationship and/or marriage have this sense of, “let’s keep our affection private and not put it on display” and so you see everyone else holding hands (even men with men here, it’s all free game) EXCEPT people that would be doing it to show romantic affection. Ahh, the irony. And the other thing is that here, women are VERY liberal with exposing their breasts. Mothers nursing children, for sure, will do it anywhere, with no attempt to cover themselves in any way. And I’ve just seen it displayed in many other ways; women don’t think about it. And in talking to Fred one day I realized the opposite is true in Western culture. We go to great pains to cover our bodies, especially women with their breasts, but we make out on the sidewalk or in the movie theatre like there’s no tomorrow. Interesting what a culture does and does not find appropriate. So, then the ceremony was over and we headed to the reception, which took place at the groom’s family’s house about a mile or two away. There people sit under a tent (and the respected guests get chairs) and sit through some speeches, some traditional dances and different things, and then there is food at the end. I rather enjoyed the food there; it was matoke (mashed bananas), rice, chicken (well, only a few select people got chicken, and Bishop was one of them; he gave me his share), goat, and I believe cabbage. I can’t quite remember. Anyway, it was all very good and I had no stomach issues from it so, I was very happy with that :)

Yesterday was a really diverse adventure so I want to share that one with you. After church, 2 of my sisters (Night and Deborah), Deborah’s fiancée Robert, our Pastor, Patrick and I headed out. Our plan was twofold: Robert’s cousin had died a few days earlier and we were going to her burial. Then after that, we were headed to the village, to a place called Paduenda, where Betty, one of Bishop’s daughters, lives. Even getting to the burial we got lost several times because nobody knew where the place was! And it’s not like there are street signs or mile markers or anything like that. Eventually we found the place, but by the time we got there it was almost over. There had to have been at least 300 people there, and of course every eye was on me as I walked in, being the only white person around. While we were there I asked Night if the family of the deceased paid to feed the guests. Then she said no, actually everyone in the clan of the family (think of it like their neighbors) contributes money or food so that all the guests can be fed. What an amazing sense of community, and of loving each other, and of bearing one another’s burdens. I loved hearing that.

After the funeral we got back into the car (Pastor Patrick was driving) to head to Betty’s house in a different village. By this time some really heavy, dark clouds had rolled in and it suddenly started pouring. Here’s the scene: old, beat-up car; bad tires; leaks in the hood; intense rain; bad road; potholes; old windshield wipers. It made for a GREAT drive! Ahhh, I seriously thought we were going to crash or get injured in some way. I was the only one wearing a seatbelt; nobody here wears them. The windows of Bishop’s car don’t close all the way so there was water leaking in on me. There’s some sort of leak in the front of the car so a bunch of muddy rain water poured in where my feet were. I didn’t think we’d make it to the main road alive! At one point I said to everyone in the car, “This weather is pretty crazy. Shouldn’t we think about going home instead? Isn’t it too dangerous to drive in this weather?” Haha and nobody even said anything to me; definitely nobody agreed, and nobody even tried to reassure me. It was completely normal to them!! But thankfully Patrick is a good driver and is adept at avoiding as many potholes as possible. Eventually the rain let up and we took the small, windy road that led us to Betty’s house way out in the village.

I loved her house; it’s really more of a compound. The way it normally works in the village is that you and your family all live in the same area and build your houses near each other. If you’re a man, you tend to stay around your parents, siblings etc. If you’re a woman, you move to where the man’s family is. So Betty lives with 4 of her kids (the other 3 kids, who are older, live here with us) and her husband and her mother-in-law and a few other relatives in this village, Paduenda. The spot is, of course, absolutely beautiful and natural. They have a building for cooking (I cannot remember if it was made of mud or what it was, but it was sturdy) and several grass thatched huts for the family. We ate in the hut where Betty and her husband, Joseph, sleep. In the front part of it there is a space for a small table and we sat in chairs around that. They very kindly gave me the seat of honor, which basically means the most comfortable chair. I really liked the hut!! The roof is made so well that rain doesn’t get in, but because of the material it’s made out of and the fact that very little sun gets inside, the houses stay very cool. It was almost like being in air conditioning! I love man’s ingenuity, it’s out of control. So we were treated extremely well there and I loved exploring the compound; they had an incredible view from their field to some distant trees and the sunset that night was spectacular. I’ll try to post pictures one day. This was for Easter so they made us a really nice meal including 3 kinds of meat: pork, turkey and beef. It was all very good and of course extremely fresh (one of my favorite things about life here). I really enjoyed getting to visit and see Betty again, and it’s always funny to see people’s reactions to a white person in their village. :)

There are some people who have been very important to me here that I think I’ve barely mentioned in previous blogs. I apologize for this! And I could kick myself. I know there’s a lot going on here, but I should have talked about them before! Their names are Leon and Irene, and they are a couple from Amsterdam that have spent the last 3 months here (they got here a few weeks before I did). They came to help out at the computer center, which is what is supposed to help generate money for the orphanage. Leon works back in Amsterdam for Motorola and is a pretty important guy there, from what I can gather. Irene is a nurse. I really enjoyed getting to know them the last few months; they actually left a few days ago! :( I was really, really sad to see them go, and wished they had been able to stay longer. They saved up money for a long time and took basically all of their holiday time to be able to come and volunteer down here, which is amazing. They had some difficult times and challenges being down here but, they really rose to the occasion and did some great things here. They gave money for a chicken house to be built at the orphanage, which is almost finished, and then they will also be buying chickens, 20 or so, for the orphanage to start raising and hopefully selling. This should be something that also generates money for them; it might not be much, but it’s something that can help them grow to be self-sustaining and something the kids can help with as well, which is a good side benefit.

I had to say goodbye to Leon and Irene a few days ago, which was hard, and very sad. Again, I really like them and it was wonderful getting to know them. I pray we meet again. And their leaving got me to thinking about a lot of things. First, I can’t believe how fast the last few months went, and how they’re already gone. That was pretty sobering. On Saturday we all went to the orphanage so that the kids could say goodbye to Leon and Irene. They sang some songs (I took videos; I hope to get those up on facebook eventually) and the kids were given sodas (a rare treat) and balloons and we all hung out for a while. I’m not sure how many of the kids understood Leon and Irene weren’t coming back, but I sat there thinking, I cannot envision this being me in December. I cannot imagine or fathom the day when it’s me they’re saying goodbye to, when it’s me they’re singing songs of farewell to and me they’re asking when will I return to Uganda.

Do I have to let that day come?

Does it have to be December 2010 that I leave this place, maybe forever?

I don’t see why it has to be. I mean, I could get really into this but, suffice it to say there is no law that dictates when I have to leave, when I have to go “home”. Now it feels strange calling Phoenix or the US my home, because this is my home now, and Phoenix is where I lived before I lived in Tororo. For some reason, of which only God truly knows, I do not have anything tying me down or pulling me back to the US; nothing concrete, nothing that can’t wait a year or ten. (Though I don’t want to minimize the amazing group of people and support I have there; you’re all very important to me.) Could I still come back at the end of this year? Yes. Could I come back earlier than that for some as yet unknown reason? Yes. Could I stay here longer? I think the answer to that is also yes.

It was for freedom that Christ has set us free. Freedom to sing, freedom to worship Him, and freedom to follow Him, wherever He leads us and for however long He leads us there, right? I have said this before, but my time here feels a lot different from my time in Namibia in 2008. So many aspects of that trip were so different than this one is. It feels strange to call this time here a trip. For me, a trip implies a set amount of time; something impermanent; something you enjoy a bit selfishly and then leave to get back to “real life”.

….But this IS real life. Nothing about being here feels temporary or something I’m just “dealing with” until I can get back to what’s ”normal”. It feels like, my life used to be this other way, with other realities and other obligations, but now THIS is my life, for as long as God has me here. And if you’re wondering, I’m not expecting a flash of lightning, or some neon vision from the Lord telling me in a booming voice when I’m supposed to leave this place. God works in so many different ways. He spoke to Elijah in a sound as soft and subtle as a whisper. He spoke to Moses in a consuming, blatant fire. He’s unpredictable, and He can do whatever He wants, really. I believe He gives us choices, too. He tells us to delight in Him and He will give us what our heart desires. Do with that what you will.

Okay, I’m sure I’ve talked about that subject enough for some of you to be sufficiently nervous now :) Sorry about that. To those upset at the idea of me being gone longer, I have to say: talk to God about it, not me. I love you all!

I think I will wrap this up with a few tidbits and prayer requests and leave it there.

Tidbits of note:

-Floss: We Americans are pretty used to it. If we don’t use it on a consistent basis, we at least know what it is, and how it’s used. I was noticing my brother Caleb using a toothpick one day and I thought I would show him floss. Well, the kind I have here is the minty kind so it leaves your teeth feeling all fresh. I was trying to explain to Caleb how to use it, but he just kept chewing on it because it tasted so good! Lol I eventually gave everyone in the family a bit to try. A few of them got the hang of actually flossing; mostly they just liked the taste! We were all in a laughing fit by the end of it; it was quite an event.

-Last week I was able to have a good talk with Anthony, who came into town for the day. I asked Fred to talk with us as well since he has been someone kept in the loop on everything that’s going on with me and with the orphanage. He’s eloquent and helped me get across some things that would have been more difficult for me to say. (And can we say CULTURAL DIFFERENCES? GoodNIGHT I have a lot to learn!!) Anthony has a great vision for the organization; all that’s really needed now is some more donations (well, significant ones) and hard work and patience and dedication. It is a different story being a part of something in its relative beginning stages instead of being there when it’s well-established. But I trust God to do great things with us, knowing we can do nothing by ourselves.

-One of the main steps that we would all like to see accomplished is to buy a big piece of land for the orphanage. On it we would build a house for the children, and definitely have a garden; something that the kids can help with and that can generate money; again, the self-sustaining aspect. That way they can be much more well-established and not having to constantly depend on outside donations. Plus, anytime you can give the kids something to contribute to and work on it’s good; that way they are feeling like they’re part of the process and not just sitting there, begging and holding out their hand, waiting for free stuff. Donations may feed them, donations may house them, but they don’t build their character much or give them useful skills for their future.

-Someone here I’ve really come to enjoy is a man named Paul. He’s a good friend of Fred’s who lives in Kampala, but comes to visit when he can. He’s about 28 and has worked with an NGO similar to the orphanage, but on a larger scale. He’s spent years working with street children, helping to educate them and give them a better chance at a future. He’s very wise, and very easy to talk to, and we always have a good time when we chat. He came this weekend and I was able to talk to him about some ideas he has. By the end of this year he’s planning on moving back here to Tororo. What he really wants to do is invest in people in Tororo, especially children. He wants to eventually develop an organization that helps children pay for school fees, or pays for them to take a course in something practical (like driving or building houses) so that they can eventually support themselves (do you see a pattern here?), things like that. He has a big heart for kids and for those suffering who cannot help themselves. Let’s just say we have thrown around the idea of me helping him out if I stay longer than this year. There is so much opportunity here! You can look at places like this and see all the despair and hopelessness that there is, or you can look at them and see all the chances there are for you to be a light, to be used, to love and serve others.

-The weather here continues to give me amazing days and moments. Yesterday I was walking home at dusk (my favorite time of the day) and the sky was starting to darken. The wind picked up, and it sprinkled on me as I walked the path home. Lightning started up and I watched it light up the clouds overhead. If you know me well or if you love this kind of weather too, you’ll understand. I had such euphoria mixed with peace at the beauty of the weather it actually brought me to tears. I will never get used to the fact that the Creator of the universe allows me to experience things seemingly so simple, so ordinary, but so fused with His power and creativity and uniqueness.

-On a more selfish note, I wanted to shout out to people who have called me on my cell phone since I’ve been here (like my prayer team, my brother and my dear friend RheaAnne). It’s always wonderful to get calls, especially when they’re a surprise! I realize the time difference is difficult, 10 hours for a lot of you, but if you can ever give me a ring, even if it’s for 10 minutes, I would love to hear from you. Yes, you. :) It’s 15 cents a minute from Skype, which I know is not free but it’s decent. And anyone that wants to Skype with me (as in, we’re both on the computer and yes, it’s free for you), you just need to email me and we can figure out a time to do it. Thanks to those of you who are keeping in touch with me whether by facebook comments, emails or what have you. I miss you all, hope you had a blessed Easter, and I will sign off for now.


Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.
Matt 11:28-30 (MSG)

In His extravagant grace,
Cathi