the illusion of control

Washing machines, ovens, smart phones, Starbucks, McDonalds, consistent electricity, hot water, super stores, microwaves. These are a few things I’ve experienced again after not being around them for a very long time. It is very strange to be used to cold showers and cooking over a fire and a limited choice of food and washing clothes by hand, and suddenly it all changes, and life becomes much easier, at least on the surface. It is strange to me that I am comfortable at Hard Rock Café at a folk concert and also deep in a Ugandan village, eating plantains and rice with my hands. It is strange that I am comfortable driving a fancy, smooth-running car down the pristine Phoenician highways and also on the back of a Ugandan motorcycle, no helmet on, riding sideways while wearing a skirt or carrying a child on my back. My life is full of so many seeming contradictions; experiences that are all so incredibly different from each other. I feel very blessed that I feel at home in such different places among such diverse people.

But there are very hard aspects of this life. My heart aches at missing people and places and traditions in Uganda. I felt the same way when I was there, away from the US and the people I love here. Because of the life I have been given, there are certain realities I will always have to deal with. All of the people I love will never be in the same place. An ocean will always separate me from many I consider family, many who are so dear to me. There will always be things I miss about the culture I am not currently living in. On the other hand, there will always be things I find frustrating or difficult about the place I am in. I think the sooner I come to terms with that, the better.

And I don’t just want to come to terms with it. I want to be joyful in whatever place I am calling home. I want to thrive in it; to be used in it for God’s purpose; I want to appreciate the norms about life in those places. It is a very hard thing at times, as anyone who’s experienced similar circumstances will know.

One thing God has been teaching me since being here is about what is important. About letting some things go, or at least letting go of the control I THINK I have over the situation or the person, or whatever the case may be. Basically He is teaching me more about His sovereignty and how He is the one who calls the shots and it is HIS mercy and grace and love that keeps me alive and gives me joy… it is nothing I myself have done or deserve. I deserve death and punishment or at least a separation from God, but He in His mercy doesn’t give me those things; He gives me so much more than I could ever imagine.

We serve such a good and unexpected God. I love the way He does things in way I never would have thought of or imagined. He really surprises me :) I hope I never lose that sense of wonder in who He is and this life He has given me. I would ask for your prayers in what God is doing in me right now, that I would be wise and patient and listen to Him and be obedient and not do things on my own initiative. Thank you for your support.