the edge of all the light

"When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly."
Patrick Overton

I came across that quote a few weeks ago and I just fell in love with it. It helps me describe a lot of what I'm feeling right now. I feel like I am at the edge of the light; I'm at the point where anything beyond this will be unfamiliar. Going to Africa. Leaving everyone I know. Living with strangers. Serving as a missionary. Learning to live in a completely different culture. All of these are things I've never done before. I have a very vague picture of what life will be like and what I will experience. I know enough to know... that I don't know anything.

The solid ground I stand on is Christ; without Him I wouldn't be doing any of this, I wouldn't even have the desire to. He is the impetus, the driving force, the reason, the motivation, the One who keeps me going and the One who gave me the joy and passion for this in the first place. It was all His idea and I certainly won't be the one taking credit for His stuff. On the other side of this quote, I also know that I trust God will give me wings, the ability to survive and even thrive in these conditions that are so unlike anything I've experienced in my life. He will take anything weak or ugly or painful and turn them into things so beautiful that we never could have seen them if His light hadn't illuminated them.

I've been looking at some scripture that encourages me as I walk in God's path; He has left behind the stories of so many faithful for us to look to and follow. Like the story of Abraham, called out of his country and the familiarity of a place he'd lived all his life. Called to follow God without question, without knowing what lay ahead or what he would encounter.

God told Abram: "Leave your country, your family, and your father's home for a land that I will show you. I'll make you a great nation and bless you. I'll make you famous; you'll be a blessing. I'll bless those who bless you; those who curse you I'll curse. All the families of the Earth will be blessed through you." So Abram left just as God said.
Genesis 12:1-4

God promises him this incredible thing; that from him will come a great nation and that anyone who helps Abraham out, God in turn will bless them. Abraham is asked to leave his parents, brothers, sisters, and everyone he knew (except for his wife) and leave, to end up in a place God hadn't even revealed to him yet. And he did it! He just obeyed God without questioning Him; without second guessing Him or wondering if He really knew what He was talking about. I don't think I have faith like that yet. It took a lot of thinking and pondering and praying and deliberating before I'd decided to even spend 3 months away from home, let alone leave my entire life the way that Abraham did. What I'm doing now is so small compared to what these godly men in the Bible did.

Everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News. For everyone here, including the whole palace guard, knows that I am in chains because of Christ. And because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence and boldly speak God’s message without fear. It’s true that some are preaching out of jealousy and rivalry. But others preach about Christ with pure motives. They preach because they love me, for they know I have been appointed to defend the Good News. Those others do not have pure motives as they preach about Christ. They preach with selfish ambition, not sincerely, intending to make my chains more painful to me. But that doesn’t matter. Whether their motives are false or genuine, the message about Christ is being preached either way, so I rejoice. And I will continue to rejoice.
Phil. 1:12-18

I've been hearing so many people talk and preach about Paul lately; I really think God is trying to get this into my head. Paul is one of those people I look to with such respect and admiration. He followed God's call for his life even when it led to imprisonment, torture, humiliation, just extreme suffering and what should have been despair. He never said it was unfair, he never assumed he was better or more faithful and therefore shouldn't have had to endure these things. I love this passage from Philippians which Paul writes from a prison cell, just words of complete joy and utter abandonment to the cause of Christ. These days I see believers complain about low incomes, small houses, bad schools, expensive gas, and the type of music they hear at church. We are focused on the tiniest, most trivial things and we are neglecting the huge concepts of love, grace, forgiveness, and joy (just like Jesus tells the Pharisees).

I love this passage because Paul says no matter how Christ is preached -- whether it's by people who hate him, or people who have good intentions, or people who are just gossiping -- however it gets out, the point is, it gets out. People are hearing about Jesus and many are learning who He is and turning to Him. People are getting saved even when Jesus is being talked about for the most horrible reasons. Paul says he doesn't even care how it happens as long as it happens; as long as people are coming to Christ and lives are being changed. He knows that God can take anything, even the worst circumstances, and turn them into things that will glorify Himself and ultimately bring good.

I want my heart to be like Paul's. I want more of a servant's heart. To give all of my energy, time, resources, and passion to loving the lost, to spreading the Good News; to counting it all as loss for the sake of His Name; that He would become greater and I would become less. Please pray for me when God brings me to your mind. Pray for my motivation; that my foundation would continue to be the Lord and not anything else that would hinder His work.

This has been an amazing year of change in my life and I am incredibly excited and in awe of what God's been doing and continues to do with me and around me. He is such a creative, powerful, beautiful, and good God.